I just officially graduated from Governor Stirling Senior High School. 

I cant think of the right word to express what i'm feeling right now.
It's the end of an era, 12 years of schooling.
It feels like its gone so fast.
With all the friend, the people, the teachers, the books and pens, the writing, the running and the laughing, It flew by, I spent so much time focussing on the bad things in school, there was a alot, but there was alot of positives too.  
I've learnt so much, I put in the hours, the days and weekends and I feel like I've come away with so much knowledge.
And there's no way that the teachers were the only ones teaching me, I learnt from the students I spent each and every day with, they all helped me through this long path, I tried to be the best friend I could be and be there for anyone who needed me because they did the same for me
I'm gonna miss the people watching, seeing students run and play, I'm gonna miss running and playing just because I could.
I'm gonna miss laughing at every opportunity I had and spending time with the people I care about, I'm not going to see them every day anymore and I dont think thats set in yet. 

I'm holding in the tears as I'm writing this.
To the teachers, thank you, you were my guides, my leaders and my friends. You made learning fun, you've prepared me for life, I know understand that everything you put me through wasn't just so I would graduate and be ready for my exams, it was so I could be independent and strong. You made me feel safe and smart.
School is such a wonderous place, full of surprises, sure there were people that made me feel crap at some point, but thats a part of life.
I'm ready to take on the world, and discover new friends and places, but I'm never going to forget my time in school, and I cant belive im going to say this but im going to miss my uniform. It was comfy and it let me blend in as much as possible. 

I feel like we all came together as students as the year came to an end and it makes me smile. 

I regret not having a leavers book or a shirt to sign:
mass-convulsions@hotmail.com
I hope that we don't lose touch, 

You all inspire me so much,
You made my life interesting, made me feel alive.
Your all so diverse and individual, thank you for being my fellow students, you all taught me so much and I hope that I have influenced you positively in some way, like you all have.
As soon as my TEE exams are over, I'm going to be doing a lot of reflection, I know theres going to be regrets and sadness, but thats okay.

Goodbye Governor Strliing class of 09 Leavers, this is just the beginning of our lives, its scary I know, the world seems so big.
But I want you all to know that I'm thinking of you and i think that all of you will go far,
I want you to just live life, experience all you can, learn all you can.
Dont forget your time at govo, I sure wont.
I love you all. 

- Alexandria Wilson. 

I feel like times running out.

I keep looking into the future and all I see is more repetitiveness, more cycles. and I don’t know if I can take that.

I keep making myself promises that I know I wont keep, I keep saying things will be different. But in the back of my mind I know that I never keep them, I make excuses.

Its been 17 years and I regret almost everything.

I feel like as schools coming to an end, I'm slowing down. Ive been dreaming of this moment for years.
12 years.
I remember when I was in year 9 and watching as the year 12 put on there blue and yellow robes for their pictures, watching as they slowly disappeared year after year until finally I'm one of them.

Ive been picturing the moment for years, and I regret alot.

I wish i stood up for myself alot more.
I wish i didnt let people push me around.
I wish i kept in touch with certain friends.
I wish i didnt lose some of my friends.

there’s so much I'd do differently now that i think about it, know that ive conquered high school’s social horrors, i know what to expect and i would change so much.

I guess ive learnt alot from the 12 years. but i remember the most from years 11 and 12, not because there the recent years, because i experienced alot more emotions through these years, ive felt alot more, seen more.

I need a change.
any change is good.
with me, the changes that have happened have been so gradual, that i barely notice them. and i don’t want that anymore. i want an abrupt. change.

i want to move house.

or move away. i want to take stock of my life.
i need one of those life defining moments where everything is right, and you know your purpose in life, because right now i feel very un inspired and useless.

i feel very neutral, like the worlds moving around me, and im not moving with it.
im lazy like that.

I recently got asked what makes you happy.
and i could hardly answer.
my answer was when im alone, and relaxed.
but that dosnt answer the question, because when im alone and relaxed, im neutral. i cant honestly say the last time i was truly happy, let alone what was making me happy.

if i had to answer truthfully, it would be when im living in my head, imagining im somebody else, in another place.
i find if i do feel even the slightest bit happy, i always remember something that turns me unhappy, or pissed off. it happens every second of every day.

so when i live in my head, i dont have my problems, im somebody else, far away from myself.

I wish I was famous, a famous artist or musician.


It might happen.


it feels like im coming to a complete stop, I’ll be up against a barrier when school finished, and the exams. And I just need to push through, find my place in society.

I want to live in New York, be part of the buzz.
Be famous there, or not famous, just be important in peoples lives, be wanted and needed would be enough.

for people to wonder where I am, what im doing, how im feeling would make me die happy.
I just want people to like me,
to think about me.
to ask me if im ok.

i feel so alone and pathetic sometimes. like right now.

im talking to a computer.
no ones going to read this, but i just want to talk.

i always imagine im somehwere where im loved and important.
that im being held in someones arms, well im wishing.
hoping.

im looking into the horizon and hoping that someday ill find someone or something that will make me forget all my regrets and make me happy.

cause i feel like times running out.

Dear blah,


Blah blah blah blag, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah , blah blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah blah blah BLAH BLAH.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!!
Blah blah BLAH.

Blah blah blah blah blah?


singed,
Blah.
xoxo

man, i swear to god, how do some people lose weight so goddamn fast.
its pissing me off, everyones gonna get back to skool all thin and pritty and im gonna be like the odd one out. and i dont want to be the fat one, again.

im annoyed that skool is starting again aswell, because its embarrasing, people everywhere, everytime one of them laughs, or points or whispers i feel like its about me, like their mocking me or teasing me, and its killing me.

but im sad that its my last year, that means no more social experiments i conduct on randoms.

but anyway, when new year rolled around, my resolution waaasss gonna be lose weight and rock up to skool like 'oh yer, im one of the beautiful people now'
but that seems to get farther and farther away with each meal i eat.

oh well, one day ill be awsumly thin

tell me what makes you happy! i need the answer for an art project, im creating a giant collage based on what makes people happy.